tell them it's me who made you sad, tell them the fairytale gone bad

hello again, been quite busy recently, but i'm trying to manage so many things in the same time. and now the new nascar season started, so the nights at weekends will be even less shorter, it's the europe's thing. a little bit sad that Nelson retired because of engine, don't know why, but i feel a lot better when he's had a crash or something, that makes him directly involved.
anyway, after that night which was just few hours sleep, because i never sleep after the race, too much adrenaline, even though it ended with such result for me, i visited my family and stayed the night at my sister place when of course i didn't make it to bed before the night. so it meant good 21 hours up. only my eyes were tired, i mean i work a lot with my eyes recently.
so when i finally got to sleep i saw a dream of my ex-boyfriend, not bad romance, the previous, previous one, i want to call him James, so let's say he's James now. we had really complicated relationship and knowing our starsigns in which i really don't believe, we must have been perfect for each other. but things don't work out very well when in your relationship is some third part and if i'm honest, for some time i was the third part.. more honest, i don't even have the excuse of saying that i didn't know it and that itb wasn't my mission to get them appart. he was mine..
anyway when James and i were having still quite hot relationship (but we were seperated because of the long distance and our responsibilities and the promise of not keeping the strings attached) we made a bet. which of course i won, i hardly bet on anything if i'm not really sure that i will win it, or maybe 75% sure that i'll win. so what was the prize - anything i want. did i get it? well here's the point. when he came back from his long distance run from this damned place, i had met bad romance. and that previous one. don't get me wrong i'm not slutty or anything, but he was months away, we had said that there were no strings attached from both sides and at one point i got that the thing between us was more like comfortzone.. and that he never called me when he was sober.. i wish i could say the same about myself... see i have this unique ability to actually understand the things i'm doing when i'm drunk, it's like you'll never get a call, a text or email from me when i'm drunk and i haven't completly thought through what i want to achive with that. honestly i was a lot younger then and foolishly thought things will change when i have a reason to tell him everything from my heart when i'm drunk. that means the bad things, not the big 'i love you so much' phonecall, how he hurted me with that girl etc. you know what they say- that a drunk person tells the truth, coward, i know, i was back then. soon after that i understood that it was a no-go.
so our story ended, we met few times, but the bets arward i haven't still got. and i even forgot about it. i remembered it few days ago when i had to work on something and that reminded me our bet, and surely i thought about him, tiny thought got into my head that maybe now things would work.. maybe that was the reason i saw dream of James tonight. that we were back together. so i gave it a longer thought and then realized, before contacting him, that it would be such a mistake. wasn't i the one who said that when relationship has ended and you try to rebuilt it, it's like warming up the soup and that is never a good thing? so i have my piece of mind, no we wouldn't fit, we had a reason why we didn't fit at first place, that one was a good one, so 'no, no, no!'
blame it on the full moon again

wake me up, wake me up before the sunrise

good morning!
they say for body it take 2 weeks time to adjust with changes. i've had about 3.5 weeks and now i'm getting there, you know getting used to work as a white person from 9 to 5.
last year i thought i was the only person who went to (our) school at 8, this year, the picture looks even sadder. i mean i leave my building just in time to see if students are going to university for 8 o'clock classes.
i have to moan now. though i love waking up early - makes the day longer, i hate it when i can't sleep enough on my free days - oh i forgot, i don't have those for this month. my weekdays look like this - work - 2x a week school after work, if no school, then to home to work on my thesis. weekend - saturday libary and sunday homework on my thesis. i better get a freaking A for this hard work i'm doing now. at least february is short month. somehow i like it and also i am afraid of it. i'm afraid i won't make it to all goals i set for myself. but we'll see. also work is either dead boring or so much running in one week that you can bearly imagine. still i like it, but... you know there's always buts. anyway i've managed to fill the 'nothing to do at work' gap with useful data analyzes for my thesis.
it can't be unnoticed, that there are people who are happy for me and there are people who are mean to me, who used to treat me better. i haven't changed since i dress now better and have more resposibilities, but few older people who i knew from the beginning of my days in our building treat me like i've done somethig bad to them. it's not like i slept with someone to get that job, i've paid a lot and i've studied a lot and my work is also not just looking pretty and smiling. and yet they are mean to me. i guess they never thought i could climb this high. well their loss anyway.
now my new goal is to quit coffee... again, let's see how long can i manage..
even though i'm tired, i still take a little time to watch my celebrity crush. every morning, it really makes my day.
until next time :)