i don't understand why is it so hard for me to take if someone who i had thought has bigger interst in me than i in him has lost it or hasn't had it at all?
i know the ego-stuff.
i know where it started. when my boyfriend broke up with me. you know i always thought in our relationship i was the one who held all the ropes. anyway the minute he told me we were over, i was shocked. if i had seen that coming, i most probably would have told him 'i will not accept this!' before that i was more than sure i had him running after me, not the opposite.
don't get me wrong, i don't think i'm THAT irresistible....
i'm in a relationship now, my subsitude relationship, after the thing with my bad (and it was extremely bad) romance ended. you cannot switch off your feelings, i tried that, on one certain day after saying about 7-10 times that this is it, i made up my mind completly. and replaced one relationship with another. and that one has lasted longer than any of my others - i pay for that, i cheat in that and i lie. but i also love it. my school. i dumped all other emotions involving real realtionships for this one, knowing that i have major difficulties having more than one thing to focus on, i chose this one, until today am not regretting. i am more individualist and enjoy rather my own company than people's who i often forgive their foolishness only because they're cute.
so is it time for me to come down off my cloud and admit to myself that i think i'm too good for some people, yet i still want them to pay attention to me and i'm so not ready to return the favour.. or i just read them so wrong. that's a possibilty aswell
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