seems like no heavenly hand will come down and help me to change my life. i decided to take that matter into my own hands for a change. i've had quite a productive day, i have worked on getting new job aswell as my final project for school. kind of terrifying to think that just few years ago i left my comfortzones - old job, good salary, my bad romance, my hair and my tiny appartment. all at the same time, all for this goal, to once again start to leave my comfortzone school and work. i think i'm ready to do almost the same - leave the work i have done for so long time, leave the house where i have laughed so much, but also which has made me stronger, the high-tension situations are more than just common not only work related, also people related. i have to say i'm dreaming and imagining so much about leaving, how i'll say to my boss that now i quit that in fact i don't pay much attention to things going around me. i know i'll leave sooner or later. anyway few days ago when i didn't pay much attention my co-worker told me that sometimes she wonders what for i'm being paid. i know she joked. but it's true, i could be so much better, i just don't bother, i don't see my career going on there, i don't see reasons why i should give my everything to place where i'd stay just as a little bit of furniture, i'm more ambitious than that. now that school is starting to end soon, it feels to terrifing, everything i've known is going to change. so fast, again. where do we go from here now, nobody knows, i think nobody knows....
so now i took the matter in my hands more securly, sending out my cv-s and hoping for quick reply, just an interview somewhere would do a little good, for my ego of course.
anyway talking about job reminded me a situation. yesterday met my old colleague who left for a while ago. we talked about our mutural aqauintances and what they are doing, suddenly we had a conversation about my bad romance. he was working with us too.. she told me that he was charming and i did agree adding that he was charming and good looking until he started to get bald, very early if you ask my opinion. she asked me if i was one of the people under his spell too. i just looked up to the ceiling and had an angels look on my face - 'i might have...' i told her how he was sacked on mutural agreement. you know what it means - you have screwed things up repeatedly, but you are good enough person not to screw and write that on your letter of recomendation (if you'll get that). funny thing was that for some unknown reason i didn't tell her everything i know about the story. that he had affair with his boss and that's why he wasn't sacked before and that all leading people in our house knew that, they weren't really hiding or something, if you knew what to look (them hand in hand). though i didn't have really reason to protect him, our story ended up somehow bad. i know why i left out our little story, embarassing to admit that he fooled me quite some time. and surely all my feelings are dead and gone for quite some time.
which leads me to a conclusion - if there's no need to screw someone you don't have to tell every bit and piece you know. am i considered a better person now?
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