sometimes i try to recall how it all happened and why i keep supporting unfairly genetically blessed guy so much. now it's because all the old topics have rosen again, people talk about it a little, then maybe in next 4-5 months they find again the old topic and it goes on like this for a while. you know that sometimes you pick your favorites so that you can relate somehow with them, there was (and i suppose still isn't) anything that would be in common with us, maybe only the fact that we both are a bit revengeful, but that i learned later. he's not like my celebrity crush or unlike any of my previous guys in the same area i have supported, well to be honest, he is quite good looking. i know i like guys with whom goes all the mess and stuff, that makes them just interesting and also the rich boys who have that sort of attitude, they know what they are worth, though i don't see that last part in him anymore, rather than just human with his flaws and all.
anyways he came into my life from completly blank space, i saw him in action first time the weekend i was a bit out of myself, some difficult family business, i wasn't really myself back then. sometimes i can remember things so clearly, this time there's vague memory of him from that weekend, but already then i had a tiny hint, he might be good one, however not with the best future prospects.
within time i started to feel a little sympathy for him and it grew into such supporting which i haven't ever done before. from some point i knew he was better than it showed. and then happened THAT thing from where things never were the same. i was so afraid that moment he might have injure himself and second thought after that was - i don't want to lose my new favorite again. in my heart he was mine long before, but in my head that was the moment he was confirmed as the one that point.
funny thought that later on things turned out to be completly different. less than a year later he was out of everyones radar, being accused and accusing himself, what a messy story. i'm not saying that it was tough for me, but it was difficult to read things written about him and trying to convince people that things weren't so black and white. you know people who haven't achived anything themselves are so quick to judge someone who has got a little more and done a mistake. i liked him, but even though if i haven't, after i had bit myself through all the story, i understood everything what happened and why. and the people who judge, they just spill their hate all around, even on people who weren't slightly involved with that case. anyway i know for unfairly genetically blessed guy it must have been hell for few months at least. but he got through it, smarter and more mature than ever. and all my support grew even bigger. and then he moved to another picture.
i know myself and i know that i really don't bother myself with trying to find out what my previous guys are doing after they step out of the picture. however he stayed on my radar, i track down what he's doing, i'm interested in that world (really strange!), maybe i just had too little time with him and i didn't want to let go of him yet, maybe i believed in him more than i have believed in anyone else, maybe he is just drop dead gorgeous and my eyes just rest looking at him. who knows.
but one thing is for sure, he'll be in my heart all the time, in one special place that belongs only to him. and he'll shine (i'm positive he will shine!), there where he lands, i might not approve his choices at first, but i have to trust his judgement, he knows more than i never will.
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